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You look stupid with them and they make you smell bad. They make you more susceptible to disease, including long-term life-threatening ones like lung cancer. They are expensive. To maintain a one-pack-a-day habit in New York City, you have to spend more than you spend on your car payment. Joey, you do not want a cigarette right now. They look unattractive hanging from your mouth or sticking from your hand. Categorically, unequivocally, no. You do not want a cigarette. You do not want a cigarette. You do not want a cigarette. To want a cigarette would be the height of stupidity.

But you do. But you do. But you do.

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