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This is a story my dad told me when I was a kid. I do not know if it is true. It sounds like something he may have heard on one of the Vaudeville-esque radio shows that were popular when he himself was a kid.

I had wanted to send off for some mail-order “Get Rich Quick” scheme.

Dad said, “No.”

He said that when he was a kid, he saw an ad in a comic book that had a drawing of a guy in a top hat and a monocle, and a caption that said, “Send me one dollar bill and I will tell you how I made my millions!”

So he sent his dollar.

Six to eight weeks later, he received a letter from the top-hatted guy: “Thank you very much for your dollar. That is how I made my millions.”

Joe and I bought Kentucky MegaMillions lottery tickets this week. The booty is up to some crazy amount. Two hundred fifty or two hundred seventy or two hundred eighty million, three hundred million maybe, something like that. We always wait to buy tickets until it’s actually worth winning. The measly two or three million they start the cycle with isn’t enough to turn our heads.

Anyway. If we don’t win this time (I mean, Jesus, we’ve tried three times in a row now, WTF) I’ll be shocked, shocked, shocked.