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“Bearded” is a perfectly good and reputable English word, which describes a person with a beard. I approve of your use of this word. I find it informative and generally accurate. “Muscled” and “tanned” and “oiled” and so on — those all work without any awkwardness at all, too, because they are real words that mean real things.

But I’ll even go further than that. Farther? I’m trying to work with you here. You don’t always have to use real words. I’ll buy into “tatted,” for example, as a word to describe someone with tattoos, even though there is already a perfectly good English word in “tattooed.” I know and respect your needs as copywriters. Cutting out those two letters saved you some space on the back of a DVD. And ultimately your mission, your only purpose, is to catalog every possibly-fetishizable attribute of every actor/model who appears in your productions, so any space saved is space you can use to enumerate some other attribute, and another and another, possibly leading to just one more sale to one more creepy guy who likes — I don’t know, whatever it is that he likes. Whatever random thing. You never know what that thing is going to be. I get it.

But “glassed,” to describe someone who wears glasses, especially to describe nerdy gay boys with glasses, especially in the context of the phrase glassed twink is where I have to draw the line. Stop that. Immediately. It makes me feel sad for the world.