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Invented by one Dr. V. Frankenstein, the transportation device in question resembles an Auto-Matick Surgery Bed, with a similar assortment of gear-and-pulley driven instruments for cutting, ripping, breaking and separating suspended above a standard hospital bed, with the addition of an icebox to the side. The transportee lays himself upon this bed and is subsequently cut into manageable pieces by the device, which pieces are then frozen, boxed into insulated airtight containers, and delivered by parcel post to the destination, where a second device stitches the pieces back together, then lifts the transportee’s inanimate body into the sky to await the next lightning storm for reanimation. Sometimes the insulation in the boxes fails, so that certain parts have begun to moulder by the time reassembly and reanimation have occurred. These unfortunates will carry a distinct aroma of death with them everywhere they go for the remainder of their days. They are known colloquially as “Frankenstein’s monsters.”

Tip of the hat to Christopher Wright.

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